meamiyes

I'm not sure what it is, but late at night, in moments such as these, I am overcome with a sense of emptiness, existential longing and unabashed loneliness. Nothing is really too terrible at the present, nor is anything that great either. I am unfulfilled, I am empty, I am alone. And it's hard to live with, but somehow I manage. 

Everything seems very beautiful, but sad. A deep sorrow seems to pervade all. Troubling. I can't seem to snap out of this way of thinking/feeling/seeing. I manage a flat affect, but it hides a deeper malaise that I cannot seem to shake. It comes for me in moments unexpected, with or without people, in or out of love, whatever. I have some hope that things will get better, but it's a very small amount of hope. I don't really have faith that things will improve...but I have a small hope that they will. I mean, really, what else is there to do.

I kind of want to be in love again, but I am also aware that this will not really fix the problem at hand. 


Ah well.
cheers,
w.

of her face, in her place,
The melody goes on
of a song once-begun,
continues on through weeks and weeks
of torrential rain and tides of torment,
through market plunges and drunken attempts
at balance on the precipices of high-rise buildings scraping sky,
a ghost among the guests and party-goers, black-tie and shy;
three short steps, a semi-quaver
and - he wavers.

'to dust, to dust,'
you've taken up lately to saying
to most things I speak aloud
from your vigilant guard and post
on our living room couch,
legs crossed and blue,
bathed in the glow of our television.
After all this fuss and dust,

This isn't good News

 In these soft, silent moments of the soul,
when a slow loneliness builds and I succumb,
my thoughts return to you
and I let my mind to wander,
Through the harsh landscape of my heart,
now barren, so many days, weeks, years later
this twilit time offers no sight of relief.
I am torn, I am tormented.
I tumble down, and away.

My memories of you flicker,
illuminated as if by a candle’s light.
And promises that will not fade away.

Everything sucks, but everything's fine

Sitting here, in the dark at 1am, surrounded on all sides by sleeping forms that blend into the sheets, the walls and light fixtures, I experience to the maximum this sense of loss. It haunts me, calling out in the night, in the day, when trapped alone in an elevator riding to the seventh floor, when traveling by bus - not a single soul at your side - I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that my friends are gone. The people I once loved and cared for have faded out of my life - those shining stars that gave my life a deeper meaning, that made each moment just that much more dazzling and real. This life is grey and washed-out. I wonder where they've all gone together. I wonder why I was left behind.

Is it Love and Laughter that I've lost?

Is it loneliness that I've found in their sweet places? You - and you - and you? Where and wherefore did you leave this behind, this fading sun, this shallow nova?

Loss is all around me - it is running through my veins.

I miss you all - and I am so incredibly sorry for the things I've done and not done.

This is me wishing you well - in health, spirit and happiness.

Signing off,
william.

PS: Vox is closing - we're moving. Updated to come.

Originally posted on boxofsecrets.vox.com

Last stop for last drinks
for the road before us is sparse
and empty of all hope.

Update from moi: There is something coming - it's on its way. Productivity decline has pushed the day of reckoning further into the future.

But, wait. Patience will bring your bliss.

Originally posted on boxofsecrets.vox.com

Last stop for last drinks
for the road before us is sparse
and empty of all hope.

Update from moi: There is something coming - it's on its way. Productivity decline has pushed the day of reckoning further into the future.

But, wait. Patience will bring your bliss.

Originally posted on boxofsecrets.vox.com

You haunt me, by the sea
among the waves' crash,
triumphantly, and as the sand
fills the heart carved therein,
I know in my deepest, that
we surely shan't meet again.

Originally posted on boxofsecrets.vox.com

You were a concept in my mind, long before I saw your face.

Originally posted on boxofsecrets.vox.com